Blog Entry #5-Shame

I think that there is a lot of truth to this notion of shame. In a lot of the instances where people are made to feel shameful, I think it is because the ones doing the shaming aren’t comfortable themselves with whatever the other individual is doing. The shamers know that they wouldn’t feel at ease acting in that way, so they can’t stand to see it either and even further than that they place a negative stigma on said behavior. I think shame is a defense mechanism, something that is often used to protect people from falling into a state of uncertainty or vulnerability.

            I cannot think of any examples right off the bat of me being shamed, but there is a situation that comes to my mind regarding a friend from high school and her boyfriend. She was a very free spirit, and never felt inclined to wear a bra. He was an extremely conservative guy, and didn’t want other guys looking at her in that way, so he would make her feel bad about it so she would put on a bra. It happened all the time, we would be about to go somewhere and he would stop her and get angry that she wasn’t wearing one. He would shame her for not wearing a bra, even though it’s her body and she is fully in charge of it. This isn’t something that she should have to feel shameful about. Men are able to remove their shirts without any negative social stigma surrounding it, and she didn’t believe that it should be any different from it. I think this exemplifies the quote because the reason that he didn’t want her to wear a bra is because he saw it in an embarrassing way. He shamed her for something that he was uncomfortable with, but in reality her body is her business and I don’t think he had a right to do that at all.

            There is a large difference between shame and guilt. Shame is a feeling that is often imposed on someone because the person doing the imposing is uncomfortable. From what I have seen, shame is most often not justified. It’s more about how external influences feel about someone’s action, rather than how they feel about themselves. As stated in the quote, I think shame is something used to control other people, as opposed to being a feeling that is actually justified. On the other hand, I think guilt is an internal feeling that usually indicates that the person feeling it has done or said something that has caused them mental discordance. I don’t think it is ever “appropriate” to guilt someone, however I do think it is a feeling that, like anger, can uncover truth. Usually if someone is guilty about something, it’s because there is something in their life they have to handle differently than they are currently handling it. To me, guilt is a feeling that individuals can use to make themselves better as people by truth telling, where as shame is something that never has positive outcomes.